England claimed a Women’s Six Nations Grand Slam and fourth straight title against France on Saturday, but I could not be there.
I suffered a neck injury in training and left camp before the team went to Bayonne.
As a prop, your neck generally hurts from scrums but any injury in that area or the spine is super-scary.
Initially, I continued training and took painkillers and anti-inflammatories but when it did not get better I decided with the team doctors it would be best to stop everything – no running, weights or rugby – and I was getting treatment on it for a few hours each day.
Thankfully it has improved now but there was a moment when I thought ‘what if I can never play again?’
The doctor who sent me home from England camp was almost nervous to tell me his decision but actually I was all right.
I know there is life after rugby and there is not a chance I would risk the quality of that life to continue playing.
The stakes are high with a World Cup around the corner but if it came to it, I could deal with not playing if it means I have use of my neck for the rest of my life.
Neck injuries are hard even with medical scans – because if you scanned my neck and compared it with that of a person who has not played rugby, it would look a state.
As a result, it could send you down the wrong path in treating something that doesn’t look right on the scan but which my body has been dealing with.
Instead a physio diagnosed the problem and, like I said, it has improved with rest so I am hopeful I can play for Harlequins on Saturday as we look to secure our place in the Premier 15s play-offs.